Commercial radio has been thrown into fearful angst this as key players realised there is a rival technology capable of bringing the 1970s vividly to life.

Thirty one years after perfecting – or so they thought – the illusion of reliving the joys of the 70s, breakfast jock Rick Omaha was left chastened and scared while doing the hoovering. It turns out, taking a Dyson to his carpet revealed the tones, colours and patterns of the decade that, in his words, “compares to no other”. “It was like the room was screaming ‘1970s'” he whispered.

“I love radio, and to think I’ve been harbouring this piece of technology that could destroy it, sat there under the hot water tank”, he said during a break in X-Factor. “I’ve left it on the footpath, but down a bit to the left so I can just turn right out the gate and never see this revolting technology again”.

Commercial radio’s leading lights were quick to feel Rick’s terror, and tired fearfully to comfort each other on Twitter. The  conversation took a dark turn until a listener chimed in how proud he was of the Union Jack in his profile picture, leading to a swelling of mutual sentiments from across the community.